Uppie's Farmhand[pb_blockquote author=”Jimmy Carr”]”When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste.
When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.”[/pb_blockquote]
I found it on Amazon—you know, like you do—and well, it sounded good and looked pretty, so I said to myself, “Let’s give it a whirl. It can’t be worse than…well…take your pick of bad decisions and take it up or down a notch.”
One review even clearly said, “Not nearly spicy” so I figured it was like chain-restaurant heat—meaning barely perceptible. More like the color of heat as opposed to any real sultriness. A soupçon of sultriness if you will.
It came a few days later and it was indeed pretty. I decided to cook it with a basic garlic, parmesan cream sauce but Uppie had recently purchased fresh, portobello mushrooms and I knew we had peas on hand, so easy-peasy, let’s make something new.
In between deciding what to make dinner and actually making dinner, I learned that we were to be watching three of our grandchildren for the day, while their parents attempted to butcher 100 chickens by themselves, a feat which apparently, took longer than they expected, but that’s a story for another day.
As dinnertime approached, I contemplated changing up the menu, but all three kids are pretty adventurous eaters, and not fearful of trying new things, so I decided they would be fine with the meal, I would just make more. Of course, that was right up until I tasted the first noodle, in order to test it, and realized I made a fatal error. I quickly solicited Uppie’s opinion, who instantly put a kabash on the whole operation and began making bow-ties for the kids.
Now I had way too much pasta, and what appeared to be not enough sauce, as I had severely underestimated how much loss you get in a mushroom when you cook it.
I’m really much better on the idea front, being a creative guy, so when it comes to actually executing meals, I’m woefully inexperienced. I also like to try new things, so I’m perpetually learning what not to do, and then forgetting what to do, by the time I do it again. It’s not always pretty. There are lot of experimental dishes that I later decide would have been better, if only done differently, only to never try them again. See my attempts at homemade tortillas and sushi rolls.
It wasn’t a tragedy or anything, but I prefer a little more efficiency in my cooking and really try to make an effort not to have piles of leftovers when I’m done. Not that we don’t appreciate leftovers, but I’d almost always prefer to make something fresh.
Let me stop here and take a moment to say that if it were not for the quarantine, combined with my ill-timed decision to give up alcohol, none of this would be taking place right now. For nearly a quarter century, I’ve been commuting to work, 3 hours per day, 4-5 days a week and rarely had the time, energy or inclination to cook much of anything. With the exception of long holidays, or your occasional weekend spurt of BBQ festivity, I rarely contributed to the evening meal, let alone anything else. I made pizza a few times a year, and would man the grill on occasion, but mostly, this was Uppie’s domain.
It still is Uppie’s kitchen, to be sure, and often when cooking, I have to shoo her out of the room or she will constantly second-guessing all my decisions, and I am a cook who needs to concentrate and then make my own mistakes.
The good news is, Uppie enjoys me taking an active roll in the house, and especially in making the meals, so it’s been a nice adventure. She still does most of the cooking, but she is happy to leave the room and let me tear the place up as long as it means she doesn’t have to clean up.
The pasta really did have a nice, lingering heat that stayed with you. No need to add hot pepper flakes, which Uppie usually puts on nearly everything. A really nice bite and quality pasta. Definitely ready to try it again. I should have got one of the kids to try it.
Camp’Oro Le Aromatiche Pepper Tagliatelle Italian Pasta, Red Chili Pepper
- Chili Pepper Tagliatelle
- Olive Oil
- Butter
- Garlic
- Shallots
- Heavy Cream
- Portobello Mushrooms
- Grated Parmesan Cheese
- Peas
- Parsley
- Kosher Salt
- Fresh Ground Pepper
Cook pasta in a pot of salted water.
Heat the olive oil in a pan with the garlic and shallots until browned, add the mushrooms and let soften.
Add the butter and let brown.
Add heavy cream, salt and pepper, stirring constantly until thickened and remove from heat.
Add pasta to pan and toss, adding peas and Parmesan.
Dress with parsley, extra Parmesan and fresh ground pepper and serve.
Pasta: Camp’Oro
Uppie's Farmhand
